“WHAT’S WRONG WITH THEM?” – Explaining Disabilities to Kids
Picture this: you’re out in public with a four-year-old kid and come across someone in a wheelchair. Naturally, the child points and loudly asks, “WHAT’S WRONG WITH THEM?”
How do you respond?
At one point in time, the “blind eye” was politically correct. We were taught that equality meant ignoring physical appearances. It was good “not to see” skin color or gender or disabilities because “we’re all the same on the inside!” It’s rude to draw attention to differences.
So, scolding them or saying “Shhhh!” or even ignoring them might seem like the right thing to do, but it’s not.
Enter the parent who thinks “Nothing!” is a polite and appropriate response.
Nope. That’s not right either.
Your kid isn’t dumb. There is something different going on. That person isn’t walking, there must be something wrong.
Curiosity is not shameful. Neither are handicaps or disabilities. But dismissing the question – regardless of how you do it – is teaching your child otherwise.
I’ll go as far as saying that doing this almost instills a sense of fear regarding differences in general. That little one grows up avoiding things that aren’t “normal” since they’re confusing and might lead to them getting in trouble.
A very simple, “Everybody’s different…” or “You know how some people need glasses to help them see? Well, some people need a wheelchair to help them move…” or “Maybe they’re hurt or sick? Their legs just don’t work like yours do, so they get around by using that…” work just fine.
My personal go-to is, “Part of my brain is broken, so it has a hard time telling my muscles what to do…”
I’ve even seen quite a few people with disabilities (or parents of kids with disabilities) say, “Just ask me! Especially if you’re uncomfortable or don’t know how to answer!” And, yeah, that’s definitely a good way to normalize the situation. But I’d rather not have to teach a stranger’s kid all about ataxia when I’m just trying to enjoy some time outside. Remember, we’re people. Of course we want to help, but we don’t exist to solely serve as lessons or inspiration.
ANY type of acknowledgment helps to show the child that being disabled isn’t “bad.” It’s not something that you should be ashamed of. It’s really ok to talk about.
However, it’s better to talk about it at home, before this all even occurs…
Introducing the power of representation!
If your kid plays with a Barbie in a wheelchair at home, or watches a TV show including a character with Autism, or reads a book about famous people who are blind, it won’t be so weird for them to see any of that in real life.
Chances are, they’ve already asked you “What’s wrong with them?” so you can have a lengthy, private discussion at home. And, yeah, it might be kind of awkward and uncomfortable, but that’s ok! They don’t have to know that.
I’m not saying you should dedicate a whole day to learning about disabilities. Actually, please DON’T do that. Just try to incorporate it into your routine.
Daily, normal inclusion is the key to understanding and acceptance.
I promise it’s not that hard.
Raising anti-ablest kids does far more good than I even implied here… and I swear I’m not just saying that because I’m a parent with a disability.
Plus, I found some additional resources to help you out!
For example, does your kid watch Mickey’s Clubhouse? In a “Mixed-Up Adventures” episode, Goofy learns how to do plenty of activities in a wheelchair after hurting his toe right before a dance competition. (Thanks, Jess!) Click below to watch:
- Follow @biglittlefeelings and @disabilityreframed (thanks, Al!) for more posts like the amazing one above.
- Here are books, toys, and movies recommended by actual community members at The Mighty.
- Watch this YouTube playlist for short, specific, informative videos.
- This post outlines “25 Disability Awareness Activities” the author found from various websites.
- Marvel released this doll set that features “friends with diverse abilities” … I don’t love them, but you might?
- There are tons of wheelchair toys, like the one I bought!
- These TV shows (though not all kid-friendly) feature characters with disabilities.
- And, of course, here are a billion book recommendations, so you can find one you actually enjoy reading…
I went to see he Marve doll set page and the first omment says, “The figures each represent a person with a disability and I used one figure per week in children’s story at church to illustrate that we are changed in a moment when Jesus returns. The blind will see and the lame will leap like a deer. Isaiah 36:5-6.” I am cringing so hard XD